This is a momentous time. Don’t be defined by every single submission. Make art. Finish it completely. Love it. Then, you have a collection to chose from. You already know what it is. Upload the files, type in the card number, and press send; don’t overthink it. This is a vibrant time (just look at the art!), everything is put into perspective. It feels right. My studio practice is my spiritual practice, and vise versa. I love it too much to put it on the back burner. I want gallery representation. A professional art relationship will motivate me to create more consistently. Which will have the work (my mind) evolve and transform with more precision. This is an exciting, important time. Remember this feeling, hold it, it is very real.
A new memoryscape, in collaboration with The Museum of Dead Words, an interactive hip-hop theatre show about communication in the Age of The Internet that I’ve been curating since 2017. I interviewed the show's writer and performer, Dyalekt, and created a piece about Racist/sm, one of the 11 words in his museum's exhibit.
You gotta preach to the choir so they know what to sing (Racist/sm, as told by Dyalekt for the Museum of Dead Words), Translation No. 2
Archival pigment inks and mixed media on aluminum, mounted on wood
16 x 36 x 1.5”
2020
This is the first of a series of visual works to be created in this way, establishing a permanent collection to accompany the Museum of Dead Words. Through the telling of individual stories, these memoryscapes will illustrate how failure to communicate contributes to the breakdown of community. We will be interviewing people affected by the words and ideas in this museum as a way to heal together and inspire empathy in a world living Online.
This work feels especially relevant now. With our 2020 tour dates being cancelled or going virtual because of COVID-19, we find ourselves where it all began — Online. And it’s where we all find ourselves seeking deep connection now.
Dyalekt’s research into internet comments began in 2016 after numerous devolving dialogues about racism. He found these misconceptions to be exacerbated by online conversation, where the typed word has no rhythm, tone, or personality. He chose 11 words, made rap songs about how they died, and wrote a play to explain his research. Through its evolving reflection on the culture it surrounds, this show has become about more than 11 words; it is a multi-disciplinary, experimental town hall experience. And regardless of the bizarre circumstances, the show - the conversation - must go on.
We had a great meeting today. The momentum cannot be shaken. The ideas keep coming. It affirms that this is a worthy pursuit. Dyalekt’s passion to connect people through constructive art and dialogue continues to inspire me. I am so proud of this dedicated team and honored to be a part of this work. I cannot help but to think of my brother as this brilliant orchestration continues to unfold. Life is beautiful, cyclical, intentional! To be continued! It’ 2 am!
Premonition
2022
The pendulum hits a climax
East and West come to a head
Shining a stinging light on an ultimate duality.
Hold on tight, don’t get hit in the middle
Don’t riddle your mind,
we’ve seen it all before
With different actors in different suits
We sensed it well before...
Just know your reality
And trust
there is a source that can’t be shaken
And beauty always ensues.
Let The Bee Be
I am learning a lot
Not to say that everybody’s not
A baby out the window
A busy bee between the bed and the screen
reminds me it can all be safe
if you choose to believe.
There are some things I just don’t want to know or see until they come to be.
Moonbeams become you
Dripping in pixels
Illuminate the live stream
Let it mean something to them
Let it dream while you sleepwalk the same scene
Here comes the slow scream.
Fear foe, click your heels
Fees accrue for the feeble and fragile
Don’t fritter away all your feels.
Notes on memory and creating intentional experiences
We all have ___
I want to know, what similarities do we all share, that connect us to humanity? Beyond biology. It cannot be as abstract as “we all have a soul”, because many vehemently disagree. “We are a collection of cells” may be factually accurate, but it does not tell me much about why we are the way we are. I believe in a Creator, which I trust connects me to every thing and being. I recognize that not everyone agrees with me on this, so it has become my passion and life-long study to better connect with others, no matter their -osophy or -ology, and inspire them to feel as deeply loved, free, and fulfilled as I do every moment walking with Yahweh. Here is what I’ve come to:
We all have five senses. We all have memories.
With a few outliers, of course. But that is a rabbit hole for another day. The five senses connect our brain to the exterior physical world. How would we experience life without taste, smell, sight, touch, or sound? And how then would a memory be planted without these entry points?
It is the significance of this relationship between body (the sensory experience) and mind (the memory) that drives my approach to making art and hosting gatherings. How can I contribute, through the intentional integration and curation of multi-sensory elements, to a positive shared human experience that ripples into subsequent interactions and reactions with and to the world?
thoughts to expand upon:
It is not about how our experiences shape our memories, but how our memories shape our experiences. Note to self, finish reading Simon Schama’s Landscape and Memory
How do we experience sleep?
genetic memory, hallucinations, hypnotism, dreams.
How do senses affect our sub/unconscious? Does this mental acquisition and storage of sensory elements relate to genetic memory?
Is this blasphemous?
Does God make mistakes?
Is the world beautiful?
Is it all about perspective?
Is the world beautiful?
Does god make mistakes?
Does God make it right?
Do we make it right?
Is it all about perspective?
Are these intelligent questions?
Are these dumb questions?
Is it all about perspective?
Does God care?
How do we know God cares?
Is it all about perspective?
Do we feel good?
Do we have feelings?
What do we feel?
Do feelings assist survival?
Why do we need to survive?
Why do we exist?
Is it all about perspective?
Is God selfish?
Is God entertained?
Is God like us?
We create for entertainment, to feel, to think, to feel good.
When do we feel good?
When do we feel God?
When does God feel good?
When does God feel God?
Does God feel?
Is it all about perspective?
Would the answers to these questions even change anything?
Would we believe the answers if we were offered any?
Is that the reason we exist?
Is it all about perspective?
Markers of Spiritual / Emotional Maturity (an ongoing list):
The power to hold both joy and sorrow together
Surrendering to sadness rather than suppressing it
Understanding that intense emotional experiences allow you to empathize deeply with those around you
Embracing lows as opportunities for growth
Taking responsibly for your feelings
I Create, Therefore I Am.
We are entering depression season in Portland. I felt it a bit today, though I don’t know if anything can be worse than last winter. I’m not gonna front, I am broke. I have been struggling financially for years, to the point where I now feel I need actual psychological therapy to help me tackle my mindset about money. Needless to say, being broke does not make The Season any brighter. I felt lonely today, wishing I could share this beautiful space and king size bed with someone. But that too will pass; ovulation hits me this way sometimes. Days like these I genuinely feel that I have nothing to rely on except God. We are in deep daily relation and conversation now, and I am listening; “Maturity is not added with age. Life stages based on years are man-made egocentric goals. The Spirit is all I am after, and you are growing richer every moment.” I know what I desire and so does The Lord, and I’m shaking this idea that He has some stubborn omnipotent plan for my life restricting me from any input. That may be the God they taught me about in Baptist church growing up, but it is not The One who is living in me now.
I’m reading an important book, God has a name, by John Mark Comer (who is also my pastor at Bridgetown Church here in Portland). He dissects the ways God reveals to himself to Moses in Exodus 34:6–8, evidencing that He - Yahweh - is a relational, emotional, intellectual being who listens and responds to us. I feel it, and amidst this material unrest, I am at peace. I can’t explain the feeling of God’s redemption. It is powerful and real and capable of flipping a switch inside of me; it is not something I am able to do without the power of The Spirit. I am grateful to know this Presence.
A month or so ago we’re meditating in church at the beginning of service. Yahweh says to me, “Be Still and Know That I Am God”. I went up for prayer at the end of service and the woman praying with me stops because a new song has just come on with the lyrics, “Be Still And Know I Am". I told her I was struggling with my trust for the Lord; I know all the things to say and offer advice to those around me, urging them to trust God, but feel shame because I am questioning it myself. And then He reveals himself unmistakably in that moment, in the peaceful silence of His Spirit and through music. Since this encounter I see and feel a peace and joy all around me. God is the most joyful being in the Universe. He created me - us - in His image. He wants us to be happy. This is my greatest comfort. God says to me, “You’ve asked for growth, trust me, I am preparing you for great things.” I have a tendency to focus too heavily on the goals I’ve yet to meet, that have life in notebooks alone. But reflecting on the things that I HAVE done have much greater impact on the encouragement and wellness of my mind and spirit:
Solo show in conjunction with graduating art school
Art Studio
Large format printing
Thirty Under 30
Kids Making It
Left KMI and applied to Dreams and Evolve Golf
Negotiated my pay and all that with Evolve Golf - wasn’t scared. This was a very confident time.
Omni, The people affected by this show and collective
Full Frontal
Commissions with Dumay, Paws and Claws, private commissions
People reach out to me about printing, teaching workshops
Museum of Dead Words - going to London and curating in New York City!
Solo Show Landscape and Memory
Moved across the country!
…
Mmm… this is a good practice. Also, it reminds me that there is no point in comparing yourself to anyone but yourself. There will be low days; they are guaranteed the same as there are rivers and valleys at the foot of a mountain. We have emotional seasons of life just as there is Autumn to balance the Spring. God - Yahweh - gives us these things as a metaphor to guide us in our personal journeys. I am in awe to know that He perfectly orchestrates nature, yet still cares about the desires of my heart and my biggest dreams. He listens and communicates intently because He wants to be in relationship with His creation, to see it grow and learn, and above all else to be full of joy and love. I’ve spent more time with myself the past year than any other time of my life, and it has awarded me a deep understanding and articulation of why I do what I do. The experience of life’s intellectual, purposeful design drives me to offer the world the same intense empathy through action, to create because I am creation.
Fearing Trust / Trusting Fear
We’ve grown up in a world that prioritizes busyness over Stillness; “What do you do?” A world that holds our hands as we navigate life’s full schedule; “What should I do now?” Now, I am in a stage of Re-learning, as I must turn to my Self for the answers. The questions are different now, too; “Who are you? Do you trust me?”
Maybe I speak for myself alone. Maybe I just need to make some things.
After the Flood
Happily and
ever after The End
I remember
and linger longer to reconsider
what we learned
and the growth that you have known.
I felt you in my memories
visualizing vulnerabilities,
drowning in the deep-end of my soul
I am not whole with or without you;
I AM.
No longer defined by my perception
or standing still in a preconceived illusion
that swell nearly swept me away.
Ebb and sway, we flow,
I AM.
Not going to say I am whole without or within you
With you in view, I have held your iris in my ears
The smell inspired a song
about a new hue of blue — printed perfectly inside the lines
as a thousand pictures painted under one headlight
smear and smudge all guides.
Read between the crimes and
hearken to the soundscape sifting through the skyline of my mind.
Do you see it now, upside down, as I did before the flood?
before they flipped it ‘round?
If not now, then
at the inception’s intervention, won’t you come back down?
You hesitate to take your time
Wasted patience is no virtue, mind you
I’m going blind to bind a heart that you fear will somehow hurt you
My love, must I muster another pantomime to remind you?
No matter where or how ever
it ends,
it never will
if it already did.
Spiritual Growing Pains
Tides. Guided by the Moon. Illuminated by the Sun, directing the Dance of the Solar System. And here we delicately float at righteous number three, spinning fearlessly and intricately, to ensure the Sun touches every part to inspire new beginnings. Through precious spheres and cycles, death makes way for life. It is not an end; it is knowing, it is freedom, it is ultimate oneness. To be dying means that we are actively experiencing death and life with each new moment. On the way to "death" I collect wisdom, immunity, and harmony to inspire all other rhythms of the Universe. I look to nature and begin again to feel at ease. Our emotions and thoughts grow and flow like the ocean, seasons, the wind, and the soil. From microscopic to epic, we are all connected in a spherical oneness that cannot help but affect and be affected by its cohabiting organisms. This is why I search, ask questions, and strive for transparency in communication and action. I’ve begun to accept that I do not “overthink” things, but instead intellectualize them in an act of healing and reflection.
This week I am reminded that there are still going to be lows no matter how present and connected I feel. But they are not as perpetual as they once were. Instead, I feel them like a tap on the shoulder from my Creator; You are human, I have made you to withstand these tests as I prepare you for greater things to come. Remain triumphant in your lessons and trust me to strengthen your spirit to better enliven the world in which you live. These days I do not feel sadness, but rather growing pains as I evolve into a complex, dynamic, curious, and divinely resourced soul. I intend to grow every moment and desire relationships that share in that mission. It is not important the length of time they span, but the depths they reach.
Robert caught me at my best, and I am so happy that I was able to give him all of me. I believe that we were each placed at the Naked Bike Ride to meet and be affected by each other's stories. It was the first real relationship formed after an important transformation in my life gifted me new levels of self-awareness and love. I sensed from the beginning that I was, in one way, meant to show him a beautiful experience full of joy and affection. His kindness and enthusiasm inspired and welcomed me to share my soul so directly and comfortably, and he eagerly adventured with me with reciprocated devotion and attention. It was the most mature and respectful intimate involvement I’ve had to this point — Robert gave me something I’ve always wanted in a relationship. It was a romantic connection, but I felt and feel a supernal commitment to him in the support and encouragement of his spirit as he processes his own transition and loss. I care deeply for him, as I do everyone who overlaps my orbit, and hate feeling like I’ve lost a friend. But I need to trust my intuition and the nonphysical ways in which God connects All Of Us. I am grateful to have shared my first summer in Portland with Robert, and will always look to our time together with joy and love.
Fall is upon us now, no doubt heightening my desire to reflect on change as I move through another season of life at the end of a fruitful summer. It does get harder to relate to people from the depths in which I feel I most at home, and it is for that reason that I am most grateful to those who choose to dive in with me. I often question myself, Do I even have the wisdom or authority to decide or discern what my purpose is, what is “best for me”, or who “my best self” really is?. Regardless, I will continue the arduous task of looking within as I discover the world without, and understand that I have but a limited vision of life experience with which I view the world – one that I hope is widening every day. I am called to do this work of self discovery and expression, not for myself alone, but for the souls of this and that world, so that when I meet the ones I am meant to meet, I am fully prepared to share in love, joy, and experience, with no other intention than to add another ripple to the ocean that is All Of Us.
Trust Fall
Trusting the orbit,
riding the tide in and out of time
I am falling free into the arms of my soul
and its home —
Here.
Notes from Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations Podcast
The death of my fear leads me here,
standing in the sun of my soul
— within / without —
regardless, it surrounds.
Note to a friend
There are points in your life when decisions seem like individual mountains to climb. But it all works out if you just trust in your purpose — even if you don’t fully understand what that is yet. Always be honest. Think and write often. Question your ideals; it will make you wiser and your arguments stronger. Trust in the lessons that struggles inevitably bring. Stay in touch with people who have ever made you laugh. And always fall back on love. When all else fails, love — God, your spirit, the universe — will guide you.
Grief // Resentment
My first open mic, June 2016.
Years of depressed, anxious, and resentful energy was released in these two minutes. This reminds me how powerful it is to speak intentionally. A reminder of how challenging and rewarding it is to invite the transformation of negative energy into positive creativity and action. A reminder of why I – we – do this.